- [ NEWS ] :: Staff/Public News
- [ REVIEWS ] :: Anime Old & New.
- [ PREVIEWS ] :: Current & Upcoming.
- [ ADMINISTRATION SELECTION LIST ] :: A List of Our Favourites
- [ FUNNY PAGES ] :: Bored?
- [ PROFILE POEM PARADISO ] :: (extra)Ordinary
"... whenever I observed other people I found this detestable omniscient self of mine interfering, and to this day there is not one face it hasn't interfered with. This is a serious problem, for when I am scrutinizing someone else, I am scrutinizing myself. I search for faces I like, or expressions I can tolerate, so I can't get rid of myself. I can't find people with whom I can identify, I search without success, everywhere: in railway waiting rooms, in train carriages, on boats, in food shops and parks, and even when out walking on the streets, I am always trying to capture a familiar face or a familiar build, or looking for some sign which can call up submerged memories. When I am observing others I always treat the other person as a mirror for looking inwardly of myself. The observations are inevitably affected by my state of mind at a particular time. Even when I am observing a woman, my senses react to her and my experiences and imagination are activated in making a judgement. My understanding of others, including women is actually superficial and arbitrary. Women I like are inevitably illusions I have created to delude myself, and this is my tragedy. As a result, my relationships with women inevitably fail. On the other hand, if I were a woman and living with a man, this would also be a worry. The problem is the awakened self in the inner mind, this is the monster which torments me to no end. People love the self yet mutilate the self. Arrogance, pride, complacency, or jealousy and hatred, all spring from this. The self is in fact the source of mankind's misery. So, does this unhappy conclusion mean that the awakened self should therefore be killed?
Thus Buddha told the boddhisatva: the myriad phenomena are vanity, the absence of phenomena is also vanity. "
Xingjian, "Soul Mountain"
